The key to our extraordinary formula is EMU oil. This is the same natural ingredient used for centuries by Australian aborigines in the scorching, harsh climate of the Australian Outback. We combine it with the healing, moisturizing effects of Aloe, avocado oil, squalene and vitamins A, E and B – all pure ingredients with the transforming properties that give you smooth, supple skin, resistant to the ravages of pregnancy and the extreme stretching of weight gain.Incredible, but true. Whoever knew the emus had it in them? Or, for that matter, the aborigines? David Beckham may have hung up his "kangaroo boots" but there's fight in the ol' outback yet!
This, by the way, is an emu:
Ultra StretchAway is 100% guaranteed to work!Indeed. Perhaps I should relocate to Australia and make my millions in koala-sweat or cassowary-guano. Ever since the Gold Rush got rid of half the swag and the dot.coms took care of the other half, California has been feeling a little, uh, empty?
Try it for yourself! You and your partner will delight in the results.
And his ghost may be heard as it sings in the billabong,
"Who'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me?"